Get terminated!

Sometimes you fall off your chair laughing for a metal band and their silly music. Usually it's because the music is so bad, but this time it's a different story. At least for us who were children in the 1980s, the decade of all kinds of evil things happening, since someone might not understand this at all. Death metal ripped out of mother death's cunt in that golden decade. Arnold Schwarzenegger's movies from 80s are cult, there's no doubt about it. Why I'm writing about Arnie, you might wonder. Well, wonder no more: this is Goretorture, brutal death metal band utilizing Arnold Schwarzenegger in their music! And Goretorture is Mr. Gurglenator, answering here.

A.M.: Where did the idea of mixing brutal death metal and Arnold Schwarzenegger samples come from? Why it's brutal death and not something else like heavy metal (Conan + heavy metal = right thing to do?!)? Even though it's pretty clear, that if Arnie and Manowar would fight, Arnie would trample Manowar boys' balls into purée within no time.

Gurglenator: Heheh, first of all I don't have anything against Manowar. In fact I'm a great fan of the Kings of Metal, Hail! But it might be possible that their balls would not withstand the incredible power coming from Mr. Schwarzenegger's muscular feet.
I don't know where the idea actually came from. Maybe Arnold came to me in a dream and commanded me to start this brutal journey! Why death metal? Because I think it's the perfect fit for Arnold's ultra brutal attitude and these two work quite well together... Wouldn't be the same if I'd do some folk/goth/industrial/whatever.

A.M.: Yep, it's definitely fresh to hear something else than aforementioned Conan/heavy metal hybrid.
The debut album 'Promised to Kill You Last... I Lied!' was released some months ago. Musical side of Goretorture does sound quite a lot of North-American (unlike Mr. Schwarzenegger's talk) death metal or am I hearing it all wrong?

Gurglenator: Well, it's my personal opinion that it sounds a bit more European with some Carcass -influenced things and less emphasis on bouncy rhythms like American death metal. But of course quite a lot of the musical influence comes also from USA like Suffocation, Devourment, Malignancy etc.

A.M.: Anyways, a listener will be beaten to pulp.
I didn't notice any links to movie soundtracks. Have you used them at all in your compositions?

Gurglenator: Well, not at all. Maybe in the future I will, it would not be a bad idea at all to use some melodies from the movie soundtracks like Terminator.

A.M.: Remember to thank me for soundtrack idea then! Well, only joking, it's been done before, eg. by Sweden's Diabolical Masquerade.
How much did you spend time getting this debut album together?

Gurglenator: Approximately a half a year, on and off. I only work when I feel I have some good ideas to give, and inspiration.

A.M.: How has the album sold? Are you happy with the Russian label Pyrolagnia?

Gurglenator: Hehe, well I have no idea how much it has sold! But it seems a bit popular in the file-sharing networks like DC++... About Pyrolagnia records; I'm really not that critical about their actions, I think I got a pretty good deal with a nice amount (100 copies) of the album for myself also.

A.M.: True metal music fans will buy the album if they like it. They are fucking pussies and bloody lamers if they don't!
There is no lyrics printed at all. Are you gurgling stories based on the movies and other antics of Mr. Schwarzenegger?

Gurglenator: Yeah, it's that kind of stuff. Quite embarrassing actually hahaha!

A.M.: Did you pay copyrights for the samples?

Gurglenator: Well, no. I didn't think about that at all... Probably it's the record label's problem as they're the ones selling it.

A.M.: So it would be good old USA versus "USSR" again, if Mr. Schwarzenegger's lawyer's contact the Russian label... Red fucking Heat!!!
Your favourite of Arnie-speak?

Gurglenator:
"I'm Elzig!" (I'm airsick)
"Fuck you asshole!"
"Get to the choppaaaaah!"

Damnit, of course there's too much to mention! Almost every line he says in any 80's movie.

A.M.: Okay people, just surf to some "Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes" website and there you have it.
Tell me your fave Schwarzenegger movies and why it's them?

Gurglenator: Definitely Commando. That is probably one of the greatest movies ever made, there's so many people being killed on that one it's almost impossible to count. And it's the same actors getting killed about 10 times hahaha! Another one is Terminator 1. That's from the time when Arnold was still a bad-ass and killed people just for the sake of it.

A.M.: Originally Commando's story might have been longer with some kind of evil criminal doctor resurrecting the corpses of bad guys that Arnie had slaughtered, just to give our hero more work to do. Or then the baddies were cloned.
Have you noticed decrease of quality in newer Schwarzenegger movies, when comparing them to 80s-90s classics such as Conan, Terminator, Predator and Total Recall?

Gurglenator: Well of course, I'm not even very interested about them. I think's it's not very suitable for Arnold to try to act like the Good Guy or something...

A.M.: Yeah, Arnie's such a pussy in his newer flicks. Fighting against Devil was really a bit over the line I think, haha.
What's your theory about Mr. Schwarzenegger's senator title?

Gurglenator: About Mr. Schwarzenegger's political career; I think he was just bored about being thought of as an unintelligent muscleman, and now he's trying to get people to believe that he's some kind of extra important political thinker.

A.M.: Political muscleman. I wonder do people (especially in the US of A) really respect more politicians than actors.
On the cover of the debut album you threatened, that "I'll be back". Does that mean we'll hear more brutal death metal/Arnold Schwarzenegger hybrid in the future? Now as Torn is torn to pieces, is Goretorture your main band or are you thinking about being the next "schwarzenegger" in Hollywood's golden streets after a small dose steroids?

Gurglenator: Actually we weren't very active with Torn for a long time before the break up, so nothing's changed basically. I've also spent my time playing lead guitar in Slaytanics (Slayer tribute) and now Bay Area Teutonics, which is an all-around 80's thrash metal tribute. It's fucking fun, I get to widdle and shred on the guitar like an animal, haha!
Of course I'll be doing some kind of release with Goretorture in the future, when I have enough material and enough interest from the label(s). No, I dont think I'm ready for an acting career yet haha, maybe someday!

Thank you Gurglenator. Metal's always better than movies anyways. If brutal death metal and Arnold Schwarzenegger are both close to your heart, there's no reason not to check out Goretorture's debut album 'Promised to Kill You Last... I Lied!'. Hasta la vista, headbangers.

Interviewed by Lane.

03/19/2005 11:00